Nothing's Wrong

I have just fallen off a whirlwind of activity. Finishing end of the year school responsibilities, preparing for next year and setting up workshops and conferences to attend, travelling and spending good time with friends all contribute to my ‘busyness’.

In the last two months I have journeyed to 9 different cities in the United States and Canada. I attended my High School Reunion in Ft. Lauderdale Florida (graduation 1972). And rode horses in the red rock hills of Sedona with my grand daughter, Stella. I dipped into L.A. California for lunch with my son and daughter-in-law and escorted my 8 year old grand son back to Gabriola for a week of visiting with myself and Sabba. I spent two days visiting with and reading books to my mother in Connecticut. I watched our (ridiculously strong) daughter, Jacquie compete in The CrossFit Regionals in Tacoma, Washington while sharing a ‘catch up’ weekend with old friends in the area. I have luxuriated in the Hot Springs of Northern B.C. with close friends from my childhood, and while there, we stayed on an old newly renovated boat complete with a collection of kayaks, canoes and row boats all available for our use. The owner, a wild, loving and generous gourmet chef who loves gathering groups of people together and serving, prepared our meals!

Paul and I have had at least 25 days of visitors in the past 2 months. We move ourselves into the tent to give our guests the experience of sleeping in our yurt. We’ve been loving the numerous reconnections with old friends and family!

The last two glorious weekends we’ve been involved with Music festivals (Vancouver and Duncan) where music, exciting people, good food and gorgeous sunny days prevailed.

When I reflect on my life as an observer, I am awestruck. My life looks so rich…so full…so exciting! So, how come I’m not feeling the joy? Why, when someone asks me “Was it fun?” I can’t answer truthfully, “Yes”?  I’m just not having fun. What’s going on here? The fact of the matter is…. there’s nothing wrong!

Alfie Kohn, a prominent educator once expressed a wonderful concept that taught me something important about long-term learning. Alfie said, “Too much, too fast, don’t last.” He was describing the need to slow down when we teach and allow for, and even facilitate the learning to occur. Input of information can be varied and exciting and interesting, and, if we forget to incorporate the process of reflection, so much of that stimulus becomes lost.

From my Yoga practise I have come to appreciate the ultimate need for Savasana. Savasana is the Sanskrit work for “corpse pose”. It’s practised by lying flat on my back with as much of my body making contact with my mat as possible. My shoulders touch the ground, making sure that my heart remains open. Here I am totally relaxed with my arms slightly away from my sides and the backs of my hands on the ground. My palms open up towards the sky. My legs, also relaxed, open slightly.

Most importantly, Savasana is an opportunity to ground myself, gather together the energy around me, including that energy I have used, and bring it within. I begin my practise in Savasana and end it there too with many opportunities to settle into the pose after asana flow. It’s a time to integrate the postures and allow myself to settle them within to better become a part of who I am.  If I just flowed through my practise, I would miss the chance to allow my body to embrace the moves and make sense of the postures.

My life is full. It is rich and exciting. Some times it can get a bit overwhelming. I want to enjoy every moment and be intentional about taking the time to do just that. Being quiet, allowing for time to absorb, and being in and with each moment as much as I can is essential. I always want my heart to remain open. There is nothing wrong. I just have to make the space to remember that!

There is nothing wrong.

I have strength and love inside.

Time to discover

Collaborative Competition

Competition usually implies one winner and many losers. I like the idea that “there’s enough room at the top for everyone”. That way, more people become winners!

Paul and I just spent 3 days watching our daughter Jacquie compete in the CrossFit Regional Games in Tacoma Washington. Qualifying for this event is not easy, requiring hours and hours of daily training and a focus on healthy eating and clean living. Just qualifying for the Regionals is an extraordinary accomplishment!

CrossFit is a fitness program that is inclusive and uses everyday life activities as a guide to the exercises. The CrossFit culture considers the heaviest loads we carry in our daily lives and training is determined with the idea of “the more work you do in the least amount of time, the more intense the effort.”  Practicing CrossFit, then, is considered to be the ‘sport of fitness’.

Jacquie has been practicing CrossFit for 5 years. She has always been a physically strong girl, involved in gymnastics in her childhood and dance as she grew into her teens. Competition was something she avoided. She seemed to love the sport, and, traditionally lost interest when competition became the ‘next step’.

As a teacher, I acknowledge and honour the need for including competition in planning my lessons. The challenges provided by ‘performing better than’ someone else often inspire better performance. A little bit of stress could sometimes enhance results.  I am mindful too, that too much stress can also jeopardize performance. Fear of failure often supersedes the desire to try. I am convinced that many young people don’t even attempt to learn something new because they are afraid that they won’t be successful. (“I sure would like to be an accountant, but the exams are so difficult”, or “I’m not good enough. I might as well go into retail”)

Years ago while attending a Franklin Covey seminar I was introduced to an exciting model for healthy competition. The scenario described is of a tennis match where all levels participated and no one was ‘eliminated’. Scoring lower than others simply shifted the match in which a participant played but everyone played until the end. There is a winner, and, I suppose, a loser, and the point is that ‘everybody wins because everybody gets to play’. Malcolm Gladwell, (Outliers) also reinforces the idea that, when the focus is redirected from ‘winning’, everyone continues to be part of the game, and each player improves in her/his sport. Simply practicing improves performance. How ironic that those who need the most practice are eliminated from that opportunity.

“There’s enough room at the top.” That’s an idea I believe in strongly. On our island of Gabriola there are many people with wonderful progressive ideas. So much of what is promoted here focuses on similar concepts… inclusivity, health, mental wellness, mindfulness, participation, and appreciation. These are ideas that so often come up in workshops, meetings and other places of gathering. We all want similar things, we simply do it in different ways. That’s a good thing because the more ways we do something the more apt we will be to connect with a diverse group of people. That’s what we want - to have everyone involved.

In CrossFit there is awareness that natural camaraderie, competition and the love of the ‘game’ constitutes enough inspiration to play. Fear of failure defined by one person performing better than another, creates unnecessary stress, even absolute fear, which often leads to nonparticipation. In CrossFit, competition happens only with self. Use of white boards as scoreboards, recording information, clocking performance, and clearly outlining and defining rules and standards increases motivation and, ultimately, performance.

Jacquie is a winner simply because she is playing at The Regionals. I love watching the way she concentrates on what she is doing. Her deep breaths, inhaling slowly and completely with both hands spread wide over her knees as she hunches over her folded body, eyes directed to nowhere, Her deep focus and meditative stance during each activity reinforces her ‘being present’. She never gives up… not even when her performance is slower and/or not as great as she would have wanted. She cares about her self. And she is also there to support and root for others. Her skill and physical endurance continues to grow. When the weekend ends, there are many highlights and accomplishments, and apart from the joy that is evident, the tears that are shed are only tears of joy. Everyone this weekend is a winner! What a wonderful feeling for all!

Remembering

What’s the point in going back in time? “Be here now,” many people say. “Focus on the moment.”

This is me 'then'.

There was a time, not even 10 years back, that I realized that I had very few memories of my childhood. In order for me to really feel whole and to understand my life journey, it would be important to find a way to fill in the gaps. I knew that I would benefit from ‘knowing’ my inner child'. Therapy was one option I considered, and I also remained open to opportunities to revisit those times.

In 2007 through Facebook, I had an amazing connection with a few girlfriends from elementary school in New York. I left N.Y. for Israel when I was 14 years old and entering high school. Many of my friends from that time said things like “All of a sudden you were gone and no one knew where you went.” That wasn’t exactly true, I think, but maybe it felt a little like that. In any case, once I left the U.S. I never came back. My life after Israel continued in Canada where I’ve lived ever since.

Although our initial connection happened through Facebook, we immediately arranged for a weekend gathering at one of their homes in New York. We spent the weekend reminiscing, sharing yearbooks and autograph albums and having conversations about ‘those days’ ‘those guys’ and ‘those times’. Since then we speak often, text some, visit individually and try at least once a year to get us all together in one place at the same time. With this new union, my life has been enriched enormously. How I value the very special and unique relationship that has been allowed to perpetuate from the time we were children! Even considering the 35 years we didn’t see, speak to, or even think about each other, I have come to value the memories that have been rekindled as a result.

For me, memories are only important if they have a direct impact on my life today and who I have become.

A few years ago we held a reunion on Gabriola of the people who were here in the 70’s. Those years on Gabriola have been called ‘The Hippy Years’. The weekend featured a popular band from that time, Medicine Wheel, and many people from Gabriola and from other areas in BC and beyond came to participate. I was asked to facilitate a welcoming circle to kick off the weekend of events. In planning, I felt driven to bridge the years. The question, “How did your experiences on Gabriola in the 70’s inspire the person who you are today?”  prompted some interesting thoughts and captivating responses. The weekend began with a shared experience and a bonding of emotional and intellectual perspectives.

Yes…living here and now is the ultimate, and, living here and now is greatly inspired by who we were there and then!

So recently, when my high school reunion was announced in Fort Lauderdale Florida, I began to think about the benefits of attending. My one year at the American International School in Israel was a year of social and academic intensity. I lived in a gorgeous four bedroom house directly on the beach of Herzylia Petuach. There were five other people in the house. All of them were boys. One of them, Terry, I eventually married.  We partied often, played music together on the beaches in our neighbourhood, went to school when we had to, and grew close as family together. Our house was the ‘go to’ house for our cohorts. The year was memorable. Relationships were intense, fun and crazy! When the year was over, Terry and I and two other friends from the house moved on to study in Jerusalem. Other than them, I had never seen any of these people since.

The Reunion weekend featured a gathering of about 130 people all of whom graduated sometime in the 70’s. Most of the people who went to AIS attended for only one or two years, since their families moved around often as job placements changed. Missionaries, ambassadors, politicians were some of the jobs that brought these families to Israel at the time. The children of the families required American schools to graduate.  

At the reunion I knew maybe three people. We ended up sharing most of the weekend together, not necessarily attending all the reunion events, but creating our own. These were the three people I needed to see.

I have learned that intimate conversation and mindful sharing of experiences is a great opportunity to piece together the years of my life. I have learned to accept and embrace these relationships, despite some of the pain and hurtful times that we might have experienced together. I don’t need to forget anymore because forgiveness just comes naturally. I embrace instead.

This is me 'now'

I am enriched by the multitude of relationships in my life. I benefit from my memories as they continue to help clarify ow events in my life have helped me to become the person I am today. I have no regrets, because I truly believe that everything I’ve experienced is purposeful and meaningful and helps me to be me.

The memories that I have been successful in generating have reinforced for me the richness of my life! The ‘wanderlustful’ quality of my youth continues to prevail even after 41 years of career focus and childrearing. I continue to complete the ‘book of my life’ with the later chapters. I once again have the time to focus on ‘me’ and to continue to live out the dreams I have always held.

God's Colours

We live in Paradise! Every day presents a new radiance in our lives. Sparkling evidence of Nature abounds all around me. I am healed by evidence of God’s presence.

Some times I lose sight of my connections to the natural world. Visible images remind me. The beauty around overwhelms! I am grateful for the reminder!

God’s colours inspire my morning. The green leaves solidly clinging in grey patches hang from the living branches in the woods. The silhouette against the azure sky reminds me of the symmetry of life and the ordinance of patterns that govern my days.

Solid rocks, pearl white protrude from the ground. They are heavy, strong, and smooth. There are no two rocks the same. I paint on them with brush strokes of bright pink, sparkly yellow and purple. With God’s creation and mine, we make those pearl white rocks explode with vitality.

The birds chirp. Their sounds emerge in various hues of blue as they soar in contrast to the sky. Owls release hoots of brown and tan and orange with dark strokes throughout. They respond to each other in owl song. Sometimes they perch boldly on the dark russet limbs of the trees above. At times they pretend to be red, but they don’t fool me. And I like them in their natural colours. Those are the colours that God meant them to be.

 God’s colours illuminate my garden. Bluebells, bright red roses, purple pansies and brilliant white daisies with dull orange centre cores scatter furiously, shouting out God’s message, “I’m here! I’m alive!”

And God’s colours fade as the sun sets and the moon dawns. The colours fade into one until all is grey. The night becomes clear and the colour of God’s silence encourages me to sleep.

God’s colours turn slowly to black and white as I dream. There will always be new possibilities for colouring God’s world of tomorrow.

In the meantime, I only want to remember about Paradise! We live here now!

Ambiverts All!

 “There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.”, says Carl Jung whose contributions as psychologist, writer and philosopher, inspired the creation of the Myers- Briggs Type Indicator.

The dictionary on my computer defines introvert as ‘a shy person’. I think that’s ridiculous. The word ‘shy’ is in the same category as ‘lazy’, and  ‘guilty’. These ‘feeling’ words don’t really get to the crux of the feeling. A person who feels ‘guilty’ doesn’t really feel guilty. He/she might feel deficient or inadequate or even responsible. We don’t feel guilty. We either are or are not guilty. It is the same with shy.

Why would a person choose not to socialize? That’s the real question! Fear, humiliation, possibility of failure, rejection, shame, panic are feelings that could underlie “shy”.

Each of us has the ability to behave as an introvert and as an extravert. We need not chose between one or the other. We can find comfort in being both! Our behaviours, ultimately, are influenced too, by our past experiences, even as far back as our birth. 

I am beginning to recognize the vastness of my own potential as a human being. People tell me I am a social being….that I am friendly, amiable, cooperative, interactive, compassionate, …..essentially, an extravert! And I am all that, I believe!

                     And there's me, in a crowd...introverting

Much of my life is about circumventing conflict and creating fun and significant relationships. Whether it’s familial interaction, marital communication, developing teacher- student rapport, or establishing supportive and caring relationships with community, I know I have skill in making relationships work.

Lately I am noticing how much I appreciate my solitary quiet time. I have come to take great comfort in being alone. Over the years (60 of them) I have had much practice in self-reflection.  There, I find solace, comfort, patience, and a springboard for compassionate action. Through meditation, my journey for self inspires me to find responsible and thorough solutions to the questions that arise in my life.

I am loving my solitary life as much as I appreciate my active involved presence! I am, after all, an introvert! I revel in my extensive bike rides down the winding, hilly roads and the lush, aromatic forests of our island. My Yoga practise is solitary even when I practise with others. With my eyes closed I am present to my self. I find quiet comfort in time spent reading, writing, watching, walking, and swimming. I smile as I plant those miraculous tiny seeds in the garden or trot gently on the dirt roads as I jog. All this I do alone!

And yet, typically, as aligns with the characteristics of an extravert, my motives and actions are directed outward. I am more apt to act than to contemplate an action. I am a pretty friendly person, even to unknown people, and I usually am engaged and energized by social situations. I have many friends, close family relations and my work totally involves being with and talking with others. But none of this means I don’t also experience the exact opposite for each.

I am an introvert and I am also an extravert! And everything in between! Towards my ongoing pursuit of happiness, I might feel a certain disposition one day, and react to it so differently another day. The polarity of who I am gives me more potential to be more of who I want to be. I can be it all….any time and always. I can avoid the labels and avoid any predisposition for choosing one over the other.

I have come to realize that we each have the potential to exhibit behaviours that would characterize either an introverted or extroverted personality. We can love to spend time with people and still tire of it after a while. We can easily do things alone and, if we are spending too much time alone we can be sucked into depression or unproductive moods. We can love to purposefully interact and our conversations can be energetic and animated, or mellow and quiet.

Processing information both externally and internally makes for an easier experience. Being able to respond to life independently as well as being comfortable asking for help makes living easier. Enjoying access to diverse knowledge and engaging in many different activities can be as gratifying as focusing exclusively on one skill.

I like the way Jung puts it. He says that intoverts recharge by spending time alone, and extraverts gain energy from other people. They recharge by being social. He says that most of us are ambiverts… a balance between the introvert and the extrovert.

That makes sense to me and also validates the magnitude of peoples’ behaviours. We don’t need to be labeled or defined. We are free to grow and expand and become more balanced and whole and to honour the spirit in each of us……”Namaste”!

That's me....extraverting

Time To Think

“Time flies”, people say. “I just can’t find the time”, some lament. “Time is on our side”, sing The Rolling Stones. To me, time is elusive. I have not been successful at stopping its passing. Nor have I been able to understand its presence. “Where does the time go?” We live. We play. We learn and love. We give. We share. We lose sometimes, and, yes…we die.

I have come to consider my life so far, not in the context of time. Time is too abstract to define it in decades, years, months, days, and minutes. Time is elusive.

One of my son-in-laws recently left his job as a professional musician to pursue further education in the field of watch making! “Really?” I responded when he first told me his plans. “Are you sure?”

“How unusual a pursuit”, I thought, and also “How backward of a career choice is this?” Most people don’t even wear watches anymore! Many people I know don’t ever really care what time it is! They prefer to function using natural cycles, eating when they’re hungry, sleeping when they’re tired, working from home into the wee hours of the night, while carrying on daily responsibilities (carpooling, laundry, meal making, etc.). Business in our expanded world allows for international communication and co-ordinating time zones must be accommodated. That even means that sometimes we might be communicating with people on a different day from our own! Even broadcasts can be accessed at any time we choose, defying the regular scheduling of programmes on radio and television.

Fort Cochi, India

And yet… we still need awareness of time for making dinner reservations at our favourite restaurant, or watching hockey while the game is actually being played and before knowing the final score. If you intend to make your flight, you’d better make sure you get to the airport on time! And there’s nothing worse than getting to the movie theatre too late to see the coming attractions! No one likes to walk down the marital aisle with the bride (unless you’re the groom), so it’s important to get to your seat in time. Watches do actually, come in handy!

On reflection, and in conversation with my son-in-law, I have realized the incredibly complex construction of a clock. In creating a timepiece, the angles of every wheel require precision and exactness to move accurately so the time displayed always reflects the correct time. Each angle, each connecting part necessitates ultimate accuracy. Every clock must move simultaneously regardless of the size of its parts, so that ‘time’ remains exact for each one. Time passes essentially, as the wheels within the clock turn. The movement is a reflection of that passing. Time passes, whether we measure it that way or not.

I have come to be comfortable reflecting on my life, so far, in the context of segments. I think of a bookshelf. On the far left is a beautiful solid simple bookend. I view that bookend as my ‘life before children’. For me, that was early on in my chronological years. By the time I was 21 I had two undergraduate degrees, a teaching certificate and two children. The next 39 years fills up the bookshelf, with a wide array of books. During these years my emphasis was on family, career, adventure, play, developing important relationships, and making sense of and fulfilling my dreams in life. The right side of the bookshelf is the second bookend that solidly holds the contents together. It looks the same as the one on the right, because, actually, I am still the person I was even 60 years ago. But now, there is substance that needs supporting and accumulated experiences and memories that require containment and continuity. The second bookend helps me to consider closure and promotes meaning and character for my life. I cannot count the years I have to live. They cannot be counted… not now and probably not ever. No watch can help me understand mortality or that passage of time. All that matters today is right now! And I don’t need a watch to understand what that means. I have all the time I need for that!

Co-operation...Anywhere!

India’s greatest commodity is her abundance of people. We in the Western world rely on technology and machinery. India multiplies the human work force, forgoing modern machinery and convoluted inventions. In her most basic form, India relies on co-operation amongst her people.

In Varkala each morning, way before I wake up, the wooden fishing boats loaded with men and a huge net set out into the Arabian Sea. Energized by manpower, rowing with extended paddles they brave the wild waves to set out nets for gathering fish.

By 8:00 am the neighbourhood men gather for the harvest. Lined up along the long ropes they create a live tug of war effect, joining their muscle power to pull in the harvest of fish in the nets. As each man reaches the final pull, he moves to the front of the line, positioning himself strategically to continue his efforts. At the back, the used rope gets wound up, readying for the next day. Whistling, singing, yelling, laughing, they continue to pull. After a good hour and a half the empty net lays dormant on the sandy ground. Each man has a small bag of catch, perhaps ready to sell at the local restaurant, or a meal to take home for his family.

Malayalam is not a gentle language, so the interaction often sounds like angry yelling. The broad smiles, however and the vibrant shared laughter assures me of their joy and shared congeniality. They know there’s enough food for the day, and they trust in the good intentions of each other.  That understanding of mutual respect is essential to work productively.

This same co-operation is evident everywhere! Riding on the streets of Fort Cochin one afternoon, I stop peddling my bicycle to watch a crowd of people working together to build a second floor on one of the neighbourhood houses. Positioning themselves on each rung of a ladder spanning from the ceiling of the first floor to the top of the second floor, men and women pass cement bricks from one to the next. Beginning from the cement mixer on the ground the brick moves to the next hands. Each brick gets passed until it finds the next appropriate space in the wall and is put in place. It all happens with the joint effort that comes with teamwork.

In India, the largest commodity of the country is her people. India’s population is one of the largest in the world.  The economy is weak and many individuals struggle to survive. That’s why people power fuels the growth of the country. People are the country’s wealth.

In schools in Southern India, it is not unusual to have 70 students in an elementary classroom with one teacher present. Students are engaged, respectful, seemingly happy, and the literacy rate in the state of Kerala is 97%.

In North America, teachers in our system struggle with 32 students in a classroom, complaining that it is impossible to teach to the various needs. I say, let’s take a lesson from India. Teaching our young teachers to develop lesson plans that include students teaching students is imperative and healthy. Research about co-operative learning supports the notion that many of us thrive on making sense of the material by interacting with others. Making the content meaningful, sometimes more personal, by having conversations with peers and colleagues, helps to bring meaning to a more practical level.

I see this in many places I go. On Gabriola, many of us care deeply about the wellbeing of our neighbours. Nobody needs to go homeless or go hungry. Sometimes individuals can be ‘down and out’, in need of support and extra resources. In a strong community, there’s a dance that happens that provides space for shared leadership and also helplessness.

Steven Covey talks about attaining peak level of cooperation by establishing a ‘shared vision'. Once all participants ‘buy in’ to the end product, cooperative interaction becomes more reasonable. As our children were growing up, preparing meals became a cooperative endeavour. I remember the first time our (then) 10-year-old daughter gets into my car on the way home from school, and she says “What are we making for dinner tonight?” That expression of “we” reinforced for me the cooperative nature of our family. It was a simple need that each of us had a part in. And, if someone had too much homework one day, or simply wasn’t home to participate, it was forgiven, because that person would certainly be available at another time. Meals were a pleasant opportunity to gather and share and eat. We all enjoyed it, and, we all benefitted.

Cooperation requires skilful development that doesn’t happen by itself. Establishing a sound mutually respectful foundation must be grounded in a clear understanding of expectations and roles. Ongoing interaction for clarification and  ‘check in’ is essential. Whether it’s for building a house, or dragging the fish in for the day, or planning and making a meal together, or ensuring that the whole class understands the times tables in math, cooperative communication can only enhance the process for all. Here, in Canada, we have a lot to learn from India’s people!