I need to write again. I’m beginning to
reclaim my feelings of safety and calm. This past year has been a journey from
the darkness into the light. I am still on the journey, no doubt, but the path
is clearer than it’s been. I anticipate increased clarity in the new year, and
guidance and joy. It’s been a while since I’ve felt a sense of hope.
A friend of mine recently spoke at a
community event about the astrological implications of the present moon in
Scorpio. I’m so uninformed about the science of Astrology, and have only
recently begun my inquiry into a better understanding. According to her, this
astrological phenomenon happens approximately every 3 years. This moon then
began it’s cycle for me when I was 59 ½. That’s exactly when my turmoil began!
As I approach my birth month, I am very
aware that I am now turning 63! It has been 3 years on this journey of
darkness. During these years, I experienced a great deal of loss. My mothers’
passing 2 ½ years ago plummeted me into a state of grief. Simultaneously, I was
catapulted into conflict with a family member that threw me into very confusing
and challenging directions. My work changed drastically also, moving from a
regular, predictable schedule to one that is sporadic and much less available. I
definitely began to notice what doesn’t work for me, and, knew that I had to
change in order to settle into a place of lightness and peace.
My Yoga practice became critical as the
physical expression of Yoga, along with the spirit of meditation and pranyama
(breath) gently guided me through my anxiety and depression. I knew I wanted to
feel my experience, and… I also wanted
to live, love and be productive and helpful. Sharing my practice with others in
our yurt supported that.
What did I know, for sure? I know I have
the resources to get me through the darkness into the light. Along with my Yoga
practice, I outreached to several different people in alternative forms of
therapy. I know I have the unconditional and supportive love of my partner. I
know that several of my children (who aren’t children anymore) could listen and
validate my feelings (within reason). I know I have many very dear and close
friends holding my hand through the often, unbearable pain that I was
experiencing. No doubt, I am blessed. And, whenever my sadness got almost
unbearable, I would call on my ‘circle of love’ to hold hands all around
me…without speaking, without touching me….just to be there and send me love.
That was my meditation. They were my solid beings. They stayed with me even without
being here physically. They helped save me.
According to Vadic teachings the Vishudai
chakra, located in the throat, is the 5th chakra. It is the area
that guides our true sense of communication and connection with others.
Vishudai is our gateway to creativity and personal expression and to spiritual
and mental awareness. My intention, then, is to look closely within, find my true
self and speak my truth always avoiding pain to anyone along the way! (Ahimsa)
I am realizing that my life is my
practice, and Yoga mirrors my life! Everything I do is a pursuit to find divine
love for my self, for my friends and family, and for tikkun olam (repairing the
universe). If yoga means, in Sanskrit, ‘unity’ then I am Yoga, and the things I
do is my practice. Whether it’s
cooking, counseling, teaching, playing music, writing blogs, coaching,
supporting, guiding, exploring….all these things, and more, support my practice of life.
The most important pursuit is to live my
life remembering to love with passion and to intentionally treat others with
that very love and respect. And through
it all to continue to speak my truth.
And so I continue to “write on”!
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