In June I had a rather challenging scooter accident close to home on a gravel road. Skidding on the pebbles my bike revolved 180% and ended up on the other side of the road in a ditch facing the opposite direction. I immediately picked myself up, grabbed the scooter by the handlebars and attempted to pull it out of the ditch. I was unaware of the blood that covered my left side. I did not feel the pain. I thought nothing of any injuries. I just went into survival mode and attempted to get my self physically back on track. Imagine the scene.
Within minutes on the empty road, two friends drive past. Seeing me in this state they stop, insist I get into their car and drive me to the clinic on the other side of the island. There, the doctor thoroughly cleans the skin on my arms and sides. He carefully covers the abrasion with antiseptic cream and, using oversized bandages, covers the entire area. “Keep this completely covered for two weeks. Keep it out of the water and treat it as if it were a 3rd degree burn. You’ll be okay.”
I did exactly what he said and within 10 days the skin on my arms was healed and I was able to return to my swimming practice in the ocean. Other than some scabbing and dryness, the outer evidence of my trauma disappeared. That’s when the inner pain began to become apparent. My shoulder hurt and it was difficult for me to even lift my left arm.
I knew the pain was severe. I could identify the general area, but, really, I was unable to pinpoint the source. This made it challenging for me to target repair. Xrays finally proved a tear in my rotator cuff. Surgery was discussed, and, having helped my oldest son to recover from the same surgery, I knew that this was something I wanted to avoid.
A local physiotherapist and healer on the island easily tapped into the source of my pain. Discovering that my scapula was slightly askew, she gently moved it back into place and taught me how to reinforce its position gently and securely. Since that hour spent in her office, I have felt no pain.
I am convinced that my accident was a message from the angels in my life, and I have been working through this message all summer. As I get closer to the answer I feel a sense of ease and I surrender to confronting the obvious as it presents itself.
Recently, a friend of mine asked me, "Were you happy as a child?”
The short answer is yes. And upon reflection I ask myself how happy could I have been? I left home when I was 14 and finished high school in Israel. I never went back to the U.S. Instead I married a boy I met in Israel and moved with him to Canada. I’ve been here ever since.
I truly believe in the purposefulness of my angels and the profound connections between spiritual and emotional (and physical) energies. The Hebrew word for angel is malach. It is also the word for messenger. The idea that “things happen for a reason’ opens me up to the receptivity of the guidance made available to me through the events and experiences I have. What, then, is the message being offered by my accident?
Having reached this older age, I am no longer living in trauma. I have the luxury and the desire to settle into a peaceful existence. My surface injuries are healed completely with some evidence of scars, and the deep pain has subsided. I no longer need bandages, nor am I in ‘survival mode’ pulling my crashed motor scooter out of the ditch.
Instead, I am at a stage in my life where I have the time and clarity to devote my attention to me. I can embrace the childhood trauma and begin to put pieces together. I can clearly identify the source of the pain so that I concentrate on those areas, attending to them openly, addressing any soreness I might feel there, and grow the love for the child in me with unconditional affection and compassion.
Yoga, meditation, deep conversations with friends, and understanding my own development, have all contributed to my growth. Being a part of a meaningful, supportive and loving relationship for the past 25 years helps too! At 60 years old, the surface abrasion is cleaned up and healed. The inner pain is targeted and manageable. I am strong enough now to confront it with confidence, clarity and authenticity. Only now am I really ready!