Sick in Beauty

How lucky that we have chosen to come to this beautiful island of Koh Lanta for our initiation to Thailand! We’ve both been pretty sick with respiratory infection and we’ve had to take it really slow. Some days I don’t even eat! Imagine sitting in a gorgeous little beach side café in Thailand, holding a menu offering delicious food, and not wanting to order anything!  My recovery has been slow. I’ve been to the doctor twice. Yesterday I finally gave in to prescription drugs. I slept my first full night and the coughing has finally begun to subside.

I think I feel guilty about being on vacation. “Vacation” has always meant, for me, ‘to vacate’, a practice that I needed in my life to allow for stress reduction and relaxation.  My heavy work schedule, busy family life, desires to continue learning, and my commitment to social justice, kept me constantly busy and stressed! Vacation was a necessary remedy for that choice of life style! My life is still full. I love the work I do with teachers and youth. I’m still committed to social justice. My family still takes a lot of my time. I have an array of interests that keep me learning and occupied. I have a rich and colourful social life. I just don’t have the same kind of stress any more! My ‘vacation’ needs have changed.

I’m not used to allowing myself to be sick either. I rarely took off sick days from work, and my kids were hardly ever home from school either. We have been, generally, a very healthy group. This week I’ve taken advantage of the chance to be sick. If we were here for a couple of weeks, I might feel badly, as if I were wasting precious ‘vacation’ time. But I have the luxury of taking this little reprieve and allowing myself to heal.

Paul and I travel a lot during this time of our lives. That might change soon, as we are embarking on building our house on Gabriola. In the meantime, we travel in the winter months. We never think of it as a vacation. It is for us, an opportunity for exploration, learning, and engaging with others, as we experience living in different cultures.

So, what have I been doing? Actually….not much!

Each morning when no on else is awake, I go outside of our thatched hut and walk down the path towards the beach. As I move, the music of nature overwhelms me. Insects of all kinds, unusual birds, each take their turn to express their own life song. They are waking up to a new day too, and joining me as I do the same. The ocean, settles where it meets with the light, soft brown sand. The waves roll in to moisten the ground as the crashing sound finds it’s place in harmony with the rest. I sit quietly on the sand listening each morning, until, Whela, the owner of the café comes for his long working day. We say “Good morning”, and talk a bit about how we each slept and then, as we continue our conversation, we cover the tables with cloths and fasten them each with four clothespins. “Thank you”, he says! It is completely ‘my pleasure’.

I have been reading books faster than I have read since I was teenager! Diana, a friend of mine from Toronto is my book Guru. She sends me 5 book recommendations at a time when I request. I get the books onto my Kindle, and read through them, one by one. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been able to spend a whole day reading books! And I have read such great books since I’ve been away! It’s been fantastic!

I have been too sick to practice Yoga. And my body craves Asana! So I’ve discovered Thai Massage! With an experienced Thai masseuse, Yoga practice is done for me. Kneading, stretching, pulling, pounding, twisting, when my massage is done, I feel as if I have had an hour of asana. Today was the first day I was able to practice in the morning on my own. But I still intend to visit Anha later for my daily Thai massage!

I think we’ll take one more day to recuperate. It’s beautiful here. We now know many of the people and we’re comfortable. What am I doing? Not much! And for now…. that’s just fine!

Just Coming Together in Thailand

The sun streams directly above casting a pink and orange light across the ocean. I watch her gently fall as I lie on the warm soft sand of Long Beach on the island of Koh Lanta. I listen to the evening approach and marvel at the beauty of where I am. I turn to Paul, “Look where we are!” I say. As I begin the sentence he knows what I am going to say and we finish together. It is not the first time we have said this.

We arrived in Thailand 3 days ago. The trip here was not an easy one. Stormy weather in the east prompted cancelled flights and almost prevented me from departure. Perseverance, determination and many patient customer service workers from Expedia made sure I got to where I needed to go. The cost to me was 36 hours in either airports or airplanes over a 48-hour period of time. That was costly! Ridiculous exhaustion, chest congestion and achy body muscles left me feeling too sick to move. 

 

The journey to Thailand is brutal, even without complications. China Eastern Airlines might not be the best way to travel. The service was lacking considerably. For a 12 ½ hour trip we saw the flight attendants for the two meals and a mid flight snack. Other than drinks with the meal, they were invisible unless called upon for help. The P.A. system was ineffective, and the quiet voices and heavy accents made it impossible for me to understand announcements.

I found the stopover in Shanghai a bit oppressive. Even though we weren’t even leaving the airport, we had to go through serious security, and the officers were commanding and abrupt. It began to influence my feelings when I heard Chinese being spoken around me. And the Chinese are a significant presence in Thailand with many visitors and transient residents. With Thailand being a 5 hour flight away and a much better climate during the winter months, many Chinese come here for Winter refuge. It is the East’s ‘Florida’.

Cathay Pacific is my new hero. First of all, they were the only airline flying out of New York during the (supposed) storm. It wasn’t really a storm…just a few dusts of snow and cold temperatures. But New Yorkers are a little wimpy and don’t really know how to deal with unusual weather conditions. Anyway… Cathay Pacific Airlines made the New York – Vancouver leg of their flight to Asia available at the last minute. I happened to catch it when it became available and grabbed a seat. They also offered me a free upgrade to Business Class and I thoroughly enjoyed such comfort for my 5 ½ hour flight home. The service was beautiful. The attendants were pleasant and helpful, and it got me home in time to meet Paul at YVR Airport.

The worst part about the trip is the way it left me feeling. Ridiculous exhaustion was only exacerbated by extreme congestion in my chest. The coughing kept me (and Paul) awake day and night and I probably hurt my muscles just from the intensity of the action. I just couldn’t overcome jetlag! So yesterday I went to a local doctor. She assured me there was no infection, gave me a prescription for antibiotic just in case it didn’t improve, and directed me to nearest pharmacy to purchase a natural cough medicine.

Today I am on the repair. Breakfast was my first meal since I arrived…the first time I actually felt hungry!

When my United Airlines flight got cancelled in the onset of my journey, my friend Sandy said, “Everything’s going to come together”.

As I watch the sun setting this evening and I am comforted by the warmth of the sand under me, I know I have finally arrived. Yes Sandy… everything does always come together somehow!

Happy New Year- 2014

The barking from across the ocean lets me know the sunrise is soon. Our friend tells us that sea lions know when the sunrise is coming and they get even more excited when it’s going to be a beauty!

This morning the sea lions call loudly. The cacophony from across the ocean wakes us early. From our bed inside the yurt we hear them clearly. The nights are long now.  The darkness of night still lingers at 7:30. If we move, we know we’ll get to the point in time to watch the rising of the sun! Pouring our coffee in our travelling cups we walk the 5 minutes through the woods to Drumbeg Park.

It’s early, and, it’s worth it. The sun peeks her way up over the mountains and soon there’s a stream of light across the water. Together we talk about the wonder of our universe as it revolves around the sun. We are moving, all the time, and we are exposed to different views along the way.  It inspires me.

The new year begins this week. 2014 looms! There are so many exciting changes ahead of me.

We leave for Thailand next week after a brief solo visit to NY to see my mom. Thailand is a place we’ve never been to, and the prospect of tapping into new culture is exciting! We have many plans to visit friends, scuba dive, practice Yoga, eat good food and learn. We’ll finish our trip in India to visit friends and be in the places we love. We return to Gabriola in spring just in time for planting our gardens.

Paul and I are building our house on Gabriola. After living in tents, then our yurt, and existing mostly outside, we’ve decided to build a house with real walls and a more obvious separation from the outdoors. Our friends, who are accomplished builders, are the primary builders. Paul and I intend to help. So far the planning and dreaming process has brought us all closer together. In November, the process begins for real.

I will be in my 60^th of life during 2014! For me that inspires deep reflection and contemplation. I look forward to creating new ways of getting out there in my world. I intend to be the best ’60 year old’ person that I can be! This coming year gives me time to reflect and plan for that. I see big changes in my future. A desire to ‘nest’, spend time with my family, and cultivate the creative essence of who I am, are all plans for this coming year.

I continue to recreate myself in my work. As I plan on being here continuously through the year, I can accept more ‘permanent’ positions. Creating a learning community for a full year is different from dropping in for a few days. I look forward to cultivating long term relationships with groups of teachers and with young people in various learning environments. And I want my work to continue to enhance the lives of others.

I have committed to a nine-month intensive Yoga programme on the island. Regular retreats and weekly classes of focussed practice are ways for me to more thoroughly integrate Yoga into my life. Working with Flo will enhance my own practice and also give me the confidence to share what I know with others. By the summer months I want to be teaching two separate classes. One of them will be for older women and the other for people who might benefit from simple practice and the understanding of how Yoga can fit easily into their lives.

This year I want to be physically healthy and strong. That means focussing more on what I eat, and trying not to eat (and drink) some things. I want to remain active and concentrate on turning 60 gracefully and strong. Yoga, running, bicycling, weight bearing exercises are all activities I want to enhance in my life.

Travel will be different this year. Shorter trips perhaps more often. We’re planning to take trips with our kids and meet up with friends in different places of the world. My ‘nesting’ desire leads me to want to be close. I also want to go to places I’ve never been! And I want to explore the world with my best friend and husband, Paul.

I find myself in a place in my life, where I think “It can’t get better than this”! I have the most wonderful partnership in marriage than I could even have asked for. My children are all happy, self-sufficient and loving. I have close friends in so many places who welcome me and love me and with whom I share many adventures. I have good work to do. I live in a most spectacular place.

I have everything material that I could possibly want. On the one hand 2014 can’t get better than this! On the other…..anything is possible. Anything is possible!

To all….may your year also bring joy, adventure, love, growth and good health! Happy 2014!

Pondering the Christmas Spirit

Bah Humbug! 

It’s not that I don’t like holiday time. How can I not! People generally seem more joyful, more considerate, more generous, and caring. Shopping for gifts, being influenced to think about others’ desires are all ways for us to practise the ‘giving spirit’. Colourful lights sparkling sporadically as we drive down the streets. Twinkling charms that beckon us to come together, share hot soup, sing in song, join in celebration of life.

It’s not that I don’t like holiday time! I just frustrate about the fact that we can’t be like this with each other all the time.

It’s like my distaste for Mother’s Day. I discourage gift giving and special treatment from my kids on Mother’s Day. I want them to practise that respect on other days of the year too. Not just one! And I don’t want only one day of the year when we spend time together! Why wait for public pressure to express love for mom!!!

And Valentine’s Day! Is that the one day of the year that we openly express love for lovers and friends? We could do that every day, and it feels so good to share that love! Imagine... sending a card to someone you care for just for appreciation for another day of being able to love them! Or receiving a delicious box of chocolates in June, just because you are loved and cared about!

Thanksgiving Day can be a bit wearisome too. Is there only one day of the year when we sit down together with family and friends and give thanks for all that the world has to offer us? I think not! We could only benefit by doing that everyday!

I suppose, on the one hand, if we don’t have these holidays that help us ‘model’ how to appreciate our lives, many of us would never have the practice. Highlighting days that remind us to show thoughtfulness and gratitude and expressions of love for people in our lives, is a little like taking an exam. The purpose of an exam is to show what we know. Sometimes we cram for the exam, making sure we regurgitate the content to satisfy the system. Sometimes we learn for the exam, and the content becomes completely integrated into our lives. When that happens, exam taking is easy. We know how to do it. It becomes innate to our being and practising what we learned becomes more authentic. The content becomes integrated.

Sometimes though, we 'cram' and our objective is simply to pass the exam. We put effort in to getting the answers right, sometimes without really learning the material. We pass the exam all right, but, do we really understand the content? Have we really learned what the exam set out to test in the first place? Does giving the ‘perfect gift’ on Christmas provide enough depth to continue to give even when the holiday isn’t here?

I want to live in a world where practising appreciation and caring happens every day. I want to be able to pass any ‘pop quiz’ that comes my way, and be ready to achieve passing grades in life at any given time!

Bah humbug? Not really! Just Happy Holidays to all and sincere hopes that we can share love and joy together and make each day a special holy day.

Thank You Eric!

There’s nothing new! My undergraduate degree from university was in English Literature with a minor in Psychology. I was, even then, aware of the infancy of the science of Psychology at that time. Although there were several theorists with ideas about psychological development, there was still uncertainty and confusion about what is ‘normal’ and what is ‘deviant’ behaviour.

I remember learning at that time about Eric Erikson’s theory of The Eight Ages of Man, a structural theory of human development that is based on generalization and age appropriate expectations. Even then, I was leery about those generalizations and questioned the authenticity of the stages. As I grew and continued my studies in education and child development, I began to understand that these generalizations provide a basic framework for understanding and not a definitive structure. Instead they allow for a context for emotional and psychological growth within one’s own social environment. Throughout my life so far, I have referred to Erikson’s theory to help me ground myself in ‘normal’ and help me understand my self in relation to the world around me.

Today, as I hike through the mountains of Ojai in California, I ponder the idea:  “What am I really doing in this lifetime?” As change becomes the only constant in my life I continue to question what I’m doing. Once again, I find solace in his theory.

Next month I turn 59 years old. That means I will be in my 60^th year of life. I have raised 7 incredible human beings and continue to be involved in each of their lives. I have forged an incredible career in education and continue to share my experiences and expertise with youth and educators all over the world. I am socially conscious and actively involved in trying to make our world a better place. In Hebrew we call that ‘Tikkun Olam’ - repairing the world. I am grateful for my life thus far and excited about exploring further, learning more, expanding my own possibilities and remaining aware of how to help our younger people develop a sense of efficacy and a realistic approach to possible changes to address.

For each stage of development, Erikson provides two possibilities for age acquisition. (For the complete explanation of the eight ages, check out Erikson’s (1959) theory of psychosocial development). Basically, Erikson suggests that at each stage, there is possibility for crisis or for healthy development.

1.  TRUST VS. MISTRUST (BIRTH- 18 MONTHS)                                              5.   IDENTITY VS. ROLE CONFUSION (12- 17 YEARS)
2.   AUTONOMY VS. SHAME AND DOUBT (18 MONTHS - 3 YEARS)                   6.   INTIMACY VS. ISOLATION  (17- 35 YEARS)
3.   INITIATIVE VS. GUILT (3 - 5 YEARS)                                                       7.   GENERATIVITY VS. STAGNATION (35- 65 YEARS)
4.   INDUSTRY VS. INFERIORITY (5 -12 YEARS)                                             8.   INTEGRITY VS. DESPAIR (65 - DEATH)

Ideally, individuals who live through this 7^th stage with a sense of generativity, find it easier to transition into the last stage (Integrity vs. Despair) with a strong sense of achievement and satisfaction about accomplishments and progress.  Appreciation and gratitude help us feel a sense of satisfaction, even a sense of completion. “I have lived a good life. I have done well. I am satisfied.” Alternatively, if a person is not finding contentment in these years, the final stage leads to a sense of regret and despair.For me, at this point, I focus on my current stage of development. The second stage of adulthood (ages 35-64) Erikson calls Generativity vs. Stagnation. These are the years of concentration on career development and immersion in our work world. It is the time to give back to our society and help improve the world through vocation and healthy life style choices. It is also, for many, the time for family creating, giving birth to and growing up children to be strong, happy and independent human beings. Marriage, family, social life and work provide the social structure that guides our world during these years. All of this gives a sense of purpose.

One thing I’m very aware about is that I am undoubtedly in the 7^th stage of the eight ages identified! In fact, more modern theorists even suggest that the stage of Generativity vs. Stagnation actually finishes at 55 years old. That’s an amazing realization for me… am I that old? At the same time, I’m okay with that. I feel healthy and strong. I remain excited and curious about my immediate world. I am full of love for most of those people around me. I am still often awe struck by my natural (and often unnatural) surroundings. I want to find love where I am, seek inner strength when necessary, and maintain good health. I want to have a sense of worth always, and nurture my desire to help others. In fact, I want to keep doing and being all of those things, right through the end of my life! I want to continue to feel positive about living and maintain a wholesome place in this world. And if and when that stops, I think I’ll be ready. But, for now, I think I’ll just get ready for my next adventure. 

Moving Through Change

Paul and I just spent a week in Toronto. We packed up our house that we have been renting out for the past 2 years. 

The packing included all of our own belongings from the past 7 years since we moved into that house, the 15 years of cohabitation before that in our big suburban house, the 40 something years before that, and even remnants from both of our parents’ homes collected after their deaths.

It took us four days to pack up, give away, send off, sell and move our stuff! The job is done!

I’m not sad about leaving Toronto. It’s a very busy city! I feel it the moment our airplane touches the ground. There is a constant buzz in the air and people walk around seemingly planning their next step each move they make. Miserable faces lead me to believe there is little ‘living in the moment’. If happiness is based on being content, how can we be content if we’re constantly looking towards the future? I am noticing more and more the beauty of living in the moment that is now! Toronto served its purpose during all the years we lived there, brought up our family, and nurtured the relationships that have enriched our lives. It is definitely time to move on.

 

I have many incredible friendships in Toronto. Those relationships will change, no doubt! Some of them will even become deeper because of the ways in which we’ll need to connect in order to sustain them. I welcome that. Phone calls, Skype conversations, simple and quick ‘chats’ on email and Facebook will be the ingredients for more intimate and ‘quality’ visits. For those friendships I feel deeply blessed.

This morning I woke up so early, I needed a lantern when I went to the washroom. It was windy and quite cold and damp. I had stoked the wood-burning fire before I left the yurt. Inside it is toasty warm and oh so comfortable. Outside the winds howl, the trees dance and the darkness smells of the lingering night air. Now I can say, “I don’t have a house.” Of course, now that we have the cash, we intend to build a house on our property. We want to do it slowly, carefully and with precision. We want to be completely involved in the process and we expect to be fully ‘hands on’. That’s why we intend to hire our friends to be the builders.

We’re in no rush. For now, life in our yurt is just where we want to be. Building will come in a timely manner, and, along with our needs, it will include the desires and needs of our many children. We want our home to continue to be a gathering place where all feel welcome and safe and comfortable. Our son says, “That’s easy. Just make sure there’s a real toilet!” We’ll have to think about that one!

From bustling Toronto to quiet and wild Gabriola Island, from a downtown, spacious brick, 5 bedroom house to the simplicity of a yurt, from the hubbub of people scurrying from one ‘thing’ to the next, to the peaceful and calm delight in Nature….I have to say….I’m happy!

Next steps… Bring it on!

There's a Kinda Hush

There’s a kinda hush on our land this morning. The power has been shut down to replace the Hydro poles that stand on South road and provide electricity to the entire island.

We’ve known about the power outage for a few weeks. There have been several reminders to help us anticipate the 12 hours that power will be shut down. We’ve been preparing a little. Last night we filled jugs of water to use throughout the day. We made extra coffee yesterday morning, so we could reheat it on the propane stove today. We’ve done all our laundry so we can pack for our trip to Toronto starting tomorrow morning. And we’ve cleared our computer ‘desks’ of all work that needs to be done before we leave.

I am aware of how heavily I rely on electrical power. And, although I appreciate all that electricity provides for us, I think I take it a little too much for granted. So I am grateful for the reminder of how our life used to be. It feels a little bit like Yom Kippur. For one full day we fast, doing without food and water for about 24 hours, so that we might un-clutter our souls and pray with clarity and simplicity. Today I intend to pray differently.

I am writing! I have somehow cleared my ‘busyness’ to allow for time to express. Lately I have been feeling unmotivated and blocked. Sometimes I think I just have nothing to say that’s worth sharing! That stops me from writing! Recently a good friend gave me a book to read. It’s called, Wabi Sabi For Writers by Richard R. Powell. Using beautiful poetic prose, Powell glorifies the imperfect beauty in the world and the ways in which we choose to relate to it. We are, in fact, all imperfect, and our imperfect natural surroundings are profound in their beauty and power. Sometimes, it is the absence of beauty that makes it so beautiful. I wonder if that is also true with the absence of electrical power for a day!

Today we’ll work outside in the gardens, tending to last minute harvest and lovingly putting the rest of the grounds to bed for the winter. It’s a great day to be outside. There are no electrical currents flying through the air. The gentle breeze does not carry electrical charges that energize our phones and wifi, and pass through our bodies and brain cells in the process. There is no buzz that permeates the atmosphere. The birds’ cackle seems clearer, and echoes through the emptiness of the breeze. There is a kinaesthetic calm and no unseen interference. I get to ground myself, quietly and undisturbed in the earth.

There is anticipation that some people might react poorly to the absence of electricity.  The organization I work with on the island (PHC-People For a Healthy Community) is providing a special lunch and social gathering for anyone wanting to come out. In one of the buildings with a generator we will be making soup and sandwiches and will be available for people to come together. For some, just the disruption in ordinary daily routines creates stress and angst. As a community, it is wonderful to be able and willing to anticipate the challenges that others might experience and do something proactive and generous to deal with it together.

Paul and I leave in the morning to begin to make our way to Toronto to finish the closing pieces of the sale of our house there. Our early morning ferry will get us to from Gabriola to Nanaimo for the big ferry ride to Vancouver where our flight originates. Today is a perfect opportunity to pack and ready myself for the week we plan to be away. I look forward to seeing our kids who live in the east, visiting with friends and community, and closing up a wonderful and enriching chapter of our lives on Vermont Ave.

Life is busy right now. Juggling the move, preparing our living space for winter, working during the week, carrying on a rich social life, and also making plans to travel starting next month is sometimes overwhelming. For now, I think I’ll just enjoy the hush and know that all will get done in time. For now, I will simply enjoy the moment….quiet and still.