Being Here...Right Now

 “There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called Yesterday and the other is called Tomorrow. Today is the right day to Love, Believe, Do and mostly Live.” 
                                                                                (Dalai Lama XIV)

Last week we turned our clocks an hour ahead. That’s because we’re supposed to ‘spring forward’. That also means Spring is a coming! Wow!!! That means we’ve just been through Winter!

This winter was different for us! We didn’t travel as we usually do during the winter months. This winter there were so many life events that necessitated my complete presence. My mother’s passing in November occupied three weeks of my attention. For me, supporting my mother as she passed changed my own life. I found during those 12 days of being in the hospital with her offered me a welcomed experience in being completely present. No plans, no expectations, no momentum meant that I was able to remain with her responding to what ever happened next. I put all other aspects of my life aside, even the birth of our third grandchild who was born in Toronto on the second day of my vigil with mom.

I became so acutely aware of the experience of being present. One of my Yoga teachers over the years helped me tune into the fact that ‘our body remembers’. “Have you ever done a headstand before”? she asked me. “Yes,” I answered. “When I was younger.” “Oh good!” said Judith. “Don’t worry then. The body remembers.” And it did. All I had to do is settle in to the body memory.

So, more and more I am noticing similar feelings, and realizing how simple it is to settle in to my daily experiences without planning for the future or thinking about the past. I am learning that, when in my own space, I am the only one who notices! For me, lately, there is comfort in feeling unnoticed and just a little overlooked. Recently someone said “This island is so small. It’s hard to hide.” I think differently. I am often able to find solitude and peace. I just stay at home and settle in. If I am really ‘needed’, people know how to find me either by phone or messaging. Otherwise…the world carries on and I recharge, replenish and strengthen. No one notices, and though I still feel love, I am left alone.

The real challenge for me is finding and sustaining love for my self. When I look inside lately, often what I find is an empty pit. I’ve been hammered these last few months with life’s lessons. I use my Yoga breath to heal and soothe, dissipating the dark clouds of the pit and creating clarity and brightness again. Finding the possibility to be here right now allows me to consider yesterday and perhaps even plan for tomorrow and at the same time, revel in the presence of my now.