A Kerala Wedding

My new friends Bomi and Victoria have a daughter who got married this weekend. Early last week I received a call from him inviting me to the wedding and also to the pre wedding dinner. I immediately accepted! What an opportunity for a Canadian girl!

Roshni and Bomi are marrying for love. That is unusual in India where arranged marriages are common. Parents are usually expected to be more adept at choosing a partner for their offspring than the offspring themselves. If, it turns out, that the marriage doesn't work out as well as expected, the parents intervene. Most young people in India are comfortable accepting parents' selections. If the couple marry for love, families of the couple take no responsibility for the outcomes. For Roshni and Bomi convincing their parents to marry, was apparently not a simple task.

The weekend begins with a pre wedding dinner at the bride’s house. It is a ritual to welcome neighbours, friends and family to celebrate, and, share nostalgia about Roshni’s life in her birth-home. It is also a time to bless her future. After the wedding, her home will be with her husband and his family.

The dinner was delicious, but it definitely wasn't about the food! The family and friends were joyous, and welcoming! I met so many wonderful people with whom I had great conversation and made future plans for getting together. time. In a modest home, hidden in the narrow alleyways of Fort Cochin, people wander in and out, eating, talking and socializing. There is no music, no liquor, and no wild behaviours. Just a solemn, quiet and friendly gathering.

Early the next morning I make my way to my friend’s Aji’s house. There we dressed for the day. Wearing a sari is (almost) mandatory at a Kerela wedding, regardless of one’s cultural background. I was thrilled for the opportunity!

Aji chose one of her most vibrant saris for me to wear, and we both laughed as she tried to instruct me about putting it on. With 5 ½ meters of fabric, folded and creased and twisted and draped, I decided to just let Aji dress me. I’m not quite ready to learn how to do it by myself. Too much work. I felt wonderful in a sari, although it definitely would take some time to get used to. I was a bit uncomfortable with the open midriff, and I kept stepping on the long skirt.

The bus ride to Ollur took 2 hours through rough roadways and crowded neighbourhoods. Travelling in India is never boring. Between the compact little villages that line the roads, the treacherous passage on unfinished roads, and the constant beeping of horns, there is always something to grab your attention. The bus, full of Roshni’s family and friends was quiet and sleepy.

Arriving in the village of Ollur I notice that the village is small and compact not unlike most villages in Kerela. Driving through the narrow streets, however, it is evident that there is some degree of wealth in this place. Large, and simple homes line the busy road and well-manicured gardens reflect a more middle class community. I would guess that that might have made it easier for Bomi and Victoria to agree to this marriage for love.

In India, ritual and prayer make up the marriage ceremony. In the Catholic Church, the ceremony is simple with the priest singing from the scriptures. Strictly in Malayalam, I didn’t understand anything, but gestures and common practises led to a feeling of familiarity and understanding. Hands together at the heart, arms lifted in welcome to God, eyes gently closed, all reinforce the solemnity of the ceremony. The marriage is only complete when the bride and groom place their hands on the Bible and join together in their prayers. Then they both sign a contract of marriage.

Sony presents Roshni with a sari that has been purchased by his family. After the ceremony, Roshni is excused from the crowds to change into her new costume. She is now a member of the groom’s family.

When the formal part of the wedding is over, all guests are invited to eat. The hall is packed with tables of food…. curries and rice, chicken, and beef and fish. When I enter the hall, there are no seats at the tables. People eat in shifts. Only when four seats become available did Aji, Taku, Vinaya and I sit to eat. Still….no music, no liquor, no dancing, no wild behaviours. At the end of the meal, I am thrilled to finish the meal with vanilla ice cream. Vinaya and I ate (at least) 3 portions each!

Following the meal, the newly married couple go directly to the groom’s parent’s house, where they will live. It is the first time Roshni has set foot in this home. All the attendees of the wedding accompany them to offer support and protection for the transition. It is then that Victoria and Bomi, say good-bye to their daughter and send her off to live with her new family. I can only imagine the loneliness Roshni must be experiencing albeit surrounded by so many people.

I talked to both Bomi and Victoria on the bus ride home. “How do you feel?” I asked them both separately. Bomi answered quickly, “I don’t feel.” He said. “It just is.” Victoria, on the other hand, responded, “I’m sad. Really sad. And happy too.” I think I understand that!

The bus ride home was unlike getting there. Rain caused several of the roads to close and, typical for India travel, it took double the time to get home! This time though, with music blasting, and guests dancing in the aisles there is a wild expression of life!

6 hours of travelling was worth the 3-hour wedding experience. I would do it again in a flash especially if I get to wear a sari one more time!