I always remember the first time Sajee, my Yoga teacher in India,
taught me how to get into a scorpion pose. I thought I would never be able to
get there. “My balance isn’t good enough.” “My shoulders aren’t strong enough.”
“My body isn’t stable enough.” “I’m too old.” “I’m too tired.” “I’m too
hot and sweaty.” Sajee would hear none of it. He ‘took my hand’ and walked me
through the journey. In days I was up in an inverted scorpion. It hurt some. I kept
getting back up each time I toppled over. It was frustrating, frightening and
humbling. I needed to persevere. And I did! Now I’m able to keep doing it years
later. I’ve addressed it, faced it and accomplished desired results. My body
remembers. I might choose one day to take it further, (putting my legs into
lotus while inverted), but for now, I’m satisfied. I can live with it the way
it is. I’m comfortable. When I’m not anymore, I’ll consider changes.
Sometimes intense changes in life happen simultaneously! Lately,
for instance, I have been confronted with several life and death events, serious
changes that profoundly affect my existence. My mom’s death, two grandchildren
being born in two different cities, changes in primal relationships, easing
into aging, adjusting to work responsibilities, these are all issues that I
have had to integrate, all at the same time, over the last eight weeks. I don’t
get to choose which ones I’ll deal with and which ones I’ll put aside. They are
all necessary now! It’s how I choose to engage with each of them that makes the
difference.
Much of the time, feeling good is
easy! Giving thanks for the simple things in my life readily and often
occurs. The acuity of my senses,
my connection with nature, relationships with my kids, social time with
friends, my job and my openness to take time off, my extraordinary life partnership
with Paul, and my ability to work through issues are all things I appreciate
regularly. The challenge comes in finding the good even in the midst of
hardship and pain. Settling in to the pain…accepting the hurt…welcoming the
changes that come from growth all require different energy. Obstacles present
an opportunity to push through, perhaps, or even just to accept that things
aren’t always good and easy. Using recreational drugs and alcohol, keeping our selves
busy, always having some event planned, socializing constantly, or clouding the
boundaries between work and family, are all ways we evade having to soul search
and connect to our inner child. We
try to run from discomfort, stuff the conflict, distract ourselves from the
pain that we feel and just “carry on”. Ultimately these very obstacles
provide the material to expand and grow and make us more resilient and
stronger. Finding the gratitude in these toughest times, though way more
challenging than ignoring them, allows me to become more of who I am.
My life is blessed! When I take the time to imagine how my life
might be so different, I remind myself to appreciate that I do have what I have
and that I am who I am! It could be different. Everything I have could be taken
away at any time. The challenges I face sometimes bring me to my knees. I am
not faultless. Not everything is laid out perfectly for me. I am meant to
struggle and battle. Facing humbling experiences and rebuilding myself
regularly reminds me to reflect more clearly about the kind of person I want to
be. And through this work I keep coming back to the gentle lessons of
forgiveness, compassion, respect and acceptance because, when it comes right down
to it…. that’s exactly where I want to be. So today, when I approach my
balancing postures, which are sometimes impossible, or my handstands, which
require so much arm strength, or even my simple crow posture, which
necessitates calm and focus, I welcome the challenges that these postures bring
me. I identify, concentrate and struggle to achieve my goal. I can only try, and
accept wherever I land…. for now.
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