Today is the yarzheit (memorial) of my dear friend
Joyce. I look at her picture and I feel close…. so close.
Joyce was a wild woman! She laughed
hysterically at times, and at other times settled into serious, sad
conversations. She smoked cigarettes, drank a lot of alcohol, revelled in good food, good drink and just loved being with people she
cared about. She cared about so many. Family was the most important part of her
life, and so many people felt like ‘family’.
Joyce Daniels was my good friend. I met her
while travelling in Trinidad in 1985.
I was there as a gift from another friend as payment for helping him
get his resort established there. I did all the hiring for the resort from
Toronto. The resort didn’t last very long. It was one of those places that
looked spectacular from the pictures, and when you arrived it was actually a
run down, cockroach infested place, with dirty swimming pools and not enough
food at the buffet (all you can eat) kitchen.
Joyce chose that ‘all inclusive’ resort for
herself and her family: Richard, her partner, and 3 kids, two daughters from
her first marriage and one son from Richard’s. Though they had loads of money,
Joyce was always open for a bargain, and as a travel agent and avid traveller
she chose Trinidad as an adventure for that winter break. It was a big mistake
from a comfort point of view, but I think we both agreed, we found each other
via that experience. It was worth it.
At the time, Joyce and Rich were living
together, not yet married. They were in the midst of the challenges of blending
a family of children from previous marriages. They did so consciously and
mindfully. They had money, which made travel and general living just a bit
easier. Prior to meeting Richard, Joyce struggled to make ends meet. She was a
teacher like I, working in the inner city schools in special needs, and
immersing herself in the life issues of so many youth. I was a beginner teacher
at the time, learning how to engage and still stay balanced.
I was a single parent of two young teen
aged boys at the time, struggling with money, trying to keep my head above the
proverbial waters, and still maintaining some sort of comfortable life for my
boys.
She was smart too, delving into areas of
realization that few others in my life would dare to go. Conversations about
sex, childrearing, money challenges ... Joyce listened to me through my divorce,
change of jobs, and varying ventures in my own life. She counselled, advised,
encouraged and loved me unconditionally, and was there to share the love I
eventually attained in my own life. My life, not so coincidentally, in many
ways mirrored her life. Blending family, travelling extensively, absorbed in
teaching, living alternatively, I feel the soul connection deeply.
Joyce was fun! Her laissez faire attitude
towards life kept her smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and supported her
desire to experiment and explore. With a conniving twinkle in her eye she would
say, “Come on. Let’s just try this once.” She played hard that girl.
And, in her harsh, rough voice she would yell
out “Asshole! What the fuck do you want from me?” She was crass and loud and
involved and aware. She was curious and involved and, in a special way
exhibited her New York self-absorbed attitude.
I flew to New York from Toronto to attend
Joyce’s funeral, say good-bye to my dear friend and to comfort and be comforted
by other friends and family there. It was an important time for me to connect
with others who loved Joyce as I did. She has so many dear friends and an
exceptionally closely-knit family. On my way home, while waiting to board my
plane back to Toronto, my grandson Oscar was born. How beautiful, I thought. My grandson enters this world as
my loving and cherished friend leaves it. Oscar…may you have the depth of
character, joy for life, and love for people that Joyce experienced in her
life. May you dance, laugh, sing, work hard and play. May you love
unconditionally, feel deeply, learn and explore as intensely. And, too, dear
Oscar, may you have the love of life that my dear friend, Joyce Daniel left
with us. Happy Birthday!
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