My birthday is here yet again! I
turn 61 tomorrow. The plan is to celebrate with two of my daughters and Paul. They
are taking me away for the weekend. I remain in the background as they plan,
organize and pull together a weekend for me! I feel so special, cared for and
loved!
This past year, my 61st,
was challenging. It began with disappointments regarding my last year’s
birthday celebrations. I experienced several physical issues resulting from a
scooter accident in the spring. Complicated dental procedures kept me focused
on healing. And of course, coming to terms with how my body is aging and ‘acting’
differently has become a constant reminder of the inevitable changes that come
with getting older. My mom passed away this year and the experience of grief has
been profound. Several relationships in my life have changed drastically. My
work is settling in to a comfortable niche that no longer requires the same
kind of energy and focus. The past year has created shifts in my dealings with
my world and myself.
I have meditated intently,
practiced Yoga with enthusiasm and purpose, and engaged in workshops and
programs to assist me in learning ways to grow up. I have pondered, reflected,
and processed. I feel an emergence into a new phase of my life with a new refreshed
outlook.
Following the wisdom of great
spiritual teachers, family, close friends and colleagues (not to mention the brilliant
posts on Facebook), the term that repeatedly comes through is “Let go! Just let
go.”
I have come to believe that “letting
go’’ is a great skill. And it’s definitely not easy. As social beings and inhabitants
of this grand Earth, the initiation into our journey of letting go begins with
the physical disconnect that occurs when the umbilical chord is cut. As parents
we learn to ‘let go’ of our offspring, hopefully with appropriate speed and at
the right time. I remember the first time I left my first newborn baby with a
babysitter. Or that first day of kindergarten. I reflect back on the time when
my children, one by one, left our home and went off to create a life.
Challenging and rewarding all at the same time! Paul and I remind ourselves
often that we brought up our children to be independent and self assured. They
are no longer in our backyard, yet they are strong, confident, healthy and
happy. We miss them sometimes, and, feel good about who they’ve become. And, for
the most part, they still like us and each other, and enjoy our infrequent and
wonderful gatherings together.
Sometimes, in describing that
process of ‘letting go’, I press the palms of my hands together at my belly. I
slowly expand the space between my hands symbolizing how much we let go. By the
time my arms are completely spread out, the child’s life I am describing is
well into adulthood. And I explain, “My arms are still there to fall into if
necessary. But they’re far enough away to allow for complete independence.” Sometimes they will even come closer
together in a gentle embrace. “I’m here, and you’re okay on your own,” is the
message. “I got your back!” is the reminder. I am still “holding on”.
I have come to believe that the
process of ‘letting go’ is not quite enough. What’s the point of ‘letting go’
if we flounder through space unattached to anything meaningful and real? “Holding
on” is just as important.
What I have learned is that
letting go becomes easier when we ground our selves to what we already have. Lately
I strive to accept the way things are, “It’s not a good thing or a bad thing.
It’s just the way it is.” I have found it helpful to change the way I think, shifting
from “I want” to “I hope” or “I wish”…. Finally though, it’s just about
accepting the way it is!
So…what can I hold on to as my
62nd year looms?:
Focusing on my physical health and
establishing and maintaining balance in my life is essential. I hope to
continue to learn and grow, read, watch and listen, both inwardly and out, and
to continue to seek the love…that inner child that I have inside.
I hope to spend precious time
with my children and growing family. I love teaching teachers! So many are
amazing human beings who profoundly influence ‘our future’. Sharing my Yoga
practice with others remains a priority. So is sharing my love with
authenticity and skill and focus, so that those around me feel the love!
Our universe needs our help! I
want to remind myself about the simple things that make a difference in the
world. Taking care of the earth. Using water frugally. Smiling to others when I’m
out in the world. Somehow connecting with people and letting them know I care.
I do care. I really do!
That’s the best
gift I have to offer! And I intend to keep going…”Ad mea v’esrim”!
