Tonight begins the period of
Selichot in the Jewish practise. Selichot, in Hebrew, means forgiveness.
Selichot service begins a time that spans from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur.
Metaphorically, the Gates of Heaven open up to welcome prayers of praise,
appreciation, supplication and forgiveness. It is a time to reflect, with
absolute humility, before God, and ask forgiveness for any wrongdoings we might
have committed during the year. During these 10 days of ongoing contemplation,
the Gates of Heaven remain open. The final service of Yom Kippur, Neilah,
provides one last opportunity to be heard before the gates close. Prayers,
music, poetry, prose and meditations, bring us deep within ourselves and focus
on forgiveness and appreciation and change. These are the Days of Awe.
As I think about Selichot this year
and connect with its’ meaning for me, I recognize the possibilities of
awareness available to me. My Jewish background, recently enhanced with Yoga,
meditation and Sanskrit chants, enhances my spiritual practise. Recognizing similarities
between these different practises is rewarding. For instance, in Jewish prayer,
we say “Amen” at the end of the prayer. That is a way to say: “Really and truly
- I really mean it”. At the end of a Hindu chant, the final words are Shanti,
Shanti, Shanti. The first recitation of Shanti is about self, the second is for
family and close relations, and the third is for the universe. May we all find
peace within, in our relationships, and in our world.
So Selichot for me this year is
about the following:
Shanti #1- ultimately, I have to
love myself. I reflect on my own integrity and find the love and compassion
within that helps me accept and unconditionally love others. When I truly love
myself, it is natural to reach out to others with love and compassion. I no
longer feel the need to sympathize or even empathize with others. Just to
listen and find compassion. There they too might find forgiveness.
Shanti #2- India Arie says in one of
her songs “No one can hurt you like your kin”. I am finding more and more that
when I hurt in my heart it is usually related to my immediate family. My role
as mother, daughter, sister, wife, and cousin brings me my greatest joys, and
my deepest pain.
I have made many mistakes in my
various familial roles. At times I have been too young, too ignorant, or even
too selfish to know how to ‘do the right thing’ with those whom I care about
the most. Maybe, at times, I tried too
hard, and created bad outcomes that might have been better to leave alone.
Perhaps I have spoken words that were hurtful, and allowed my emotions to
reign. I might even have caused damage that has become difficult to repair.
I can only ask for forgiveness. I
cannot expect forgiveness because I
might not receive forgiveness from those I ask. Again, I return to my own integrity. When others might stay
angry with me, I have only myself as a reminder that I am a good person, that I
love with openness and compassion and that it is never my intention to hurt my loved ones. That doesn’t mean I
don’t. It just means I try not to, and sometimes I do anyway! For this, I am
truly sorry. To move through this, I have to forgive myself, even if others
don’t forgive me when I ask.
Shanti #3- I feel responsible for
others in this world. I leave my arms and heart open for people who have
difficulty trusting the world around them. I want to be a constant source of
love and strength, obvious and bright, so others experience unconditional
acceptance. That doesn’t mean that ‘everything is all right’. Sometimes it’s
the love that could motivate an alcoholic to stop drinking, or a student to
work more diligently, or a daughter or son to consider alternative behaviours
in life. My quest to be ‘my brother’s (or sister’s)’ keeper is meant with only
the best intentions. Even this has sometimes caused others pain. Sometimes
those closest to me feel abandoned and forgotten.
Ultimately I seek love and
compassion and want to be a loving and compassionate person. I strive to forego
judgement and focus on the behaviour, not the person. “I don’t like what you’re
doing, and I love you anyway!”
As we settle in to these Days of Awe
I want to begin my transformation with simplicity. If I have done anything in
this world that has hurt anyone or anything, I am truly sorry. I love myself
enough to know that I can’t know everything. What I know for certain is that I
am not perfect. I have made, make, and probably will continue to make big
mistakes. I want to strive to be a good person, to find love within, to share
it unconditionally with those closest to me, and to do what I can in this world
to make it a better place.
Shana Tova, and G’mar Chatima Tova
to everyone and everything, everywhere! Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.
