The first time we met the Rafik family, it
was early morning as we drove through the backwaters of Kerala. A hand made
rowboat used daily to catch their evening meals is easily accessible from their
modest home, perched on the water’s edge. Sajee had met these people just a few
months back and has enjoyed their friendship ever since.
Typical for Indian life style, married
children live with the husband’s parents. Living in the house now are the older
couple (mom and dad), their son and daughter in law, and their two kids. Their
daughter, abandoned by her husband after the birth of their second child, has
returned to the family home. Nine people live in this one room cement house. An
outside kitchen has a double burning gas stove, and a floor spout for washing.
Our first visit we found them all asleep.
It was early morning, (about 7:30 am) and though they are obviously surprised
to see us, they quickly welcome us. Almost immediately, bustle begins to
prepare our tea and welcome us with smiles and conversation. The hour we spend
there is filled with playful time with the kids, gorgeous, joyful children who
so appreciate our being there. We take a slow paddle ride in their simple boat
while singing “Mr. Sun, Sun. Mr. Golden Sun, Please shine down on me.” The
children laugh and sing and beam with pride for learning the English so quickly!
Our voices, heard as we row down the backwaters, invite others along the shore
to join in.
We have such a good time together that we
decide to to share a dinner together. I insist on cooking!
Indian cooking is different for me. Spices,
native to India, such as turmeric, curry, cardamom, corianders, as well as the
special mixture of garam masala make the tastes quite unique. I am eager to
learn to cook here whenever the chance arises.
On Saturday, I spend the afternoon with
Amma. We shop and cook all afternoon, creating a full course meal for the entire
family and ourselves. We make dinner for 15 people! Vegetable curry, beet salad
with coconut, rice and chappati comprise the menu. Paysam, made with rice,
coconut, raisins, cashews and cardamom and lots of jaggery was our dessert. The
family supplies the fish, fried to a crisp, spicy finish..
In the evening we pack all the food into Sajee’s
little Tata, along with his family. We are six in all. Four of us get in to the
car and pack in all the food. Ajee
and Takuy follow on the scooter. Driving through the narrow, winding, rocky
backwater roads to the now familiar house, we follow the setting sun to the now
familiar house.
When we arrive the outage of electricity has
everyone sitting outside. Still, the welcoming, “Come, come! Sit!” The children
are pulling on us by the arms until finally they discover the collection toys
we brought for them. Colourful balls, paddles for racket sports, playful tattoos,
and squishy balloons are received with laughter and gratitude. We play together,
first rolling the balls, then tossing them until they have had enough. As I
look around, I notice there were no other toys around - not a priority for a
family with so many other needs.
The children, 3 girls and 1 boy all under
the age of 6, beam with joy. Shiny faces and broad smiles convince me, with no
doubt, how happy they are. I have rarely heard an Indian child cry, come to
think of it! Most of the young ones I see are as happy and content as the four
children in this backwater home. No money… and not poor!
After play, we all sat on the ground of the
front porch to eat. With not enough plates for everyone, they insist that we
eat first. Reluctantly, we do. I’m always happy eating Indian style. Using my
right hand, (never with my left…that’s for washroom usage) I am becoming more
adept at scooping the mixtures of tastes with my thumb and first two fingers. I
think the food tastes even better this way!
They never end up eating the food that
night. When we are finished, we carefully empty all the food into their plates
before washing our containers. The food will be there for them when they’re
ready. It is a little strange, but I am avoiding thinking about it. I’m sure
they have their reason.
I feel blessed to be a part of this family’s
life. We will certainly see them again. Next time, I promise to paint all the
girls’ toenails blue, just like mine!
So often I am impressed by the similarities
we share with people all over the world. We look different - sometimes very different.
The clothes we wear set us apart, and we speak in different tongues. In India,
especially, these surface differences seem so profound. Basically, though, what
matters to us is similar; love in our family, health and happiness for ourselves
and our children, and hopes for an ever better tomorrow. And of course, everyone
likes to laugh!
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