Remembering

What’s the point in going back in time? “Be here now,” many people say. “Focus on the moment.”

This is me 'then'.

There was a time, not even 10 years back, that I realized that I had very few memories of my childhood. In order for me to really feel whole and to understand my life journey, it would be important to find a way to fill in the gaps. I knew that I would benefit from ‘knowing’ my inner child'. Therapy was one option I considered, and I also remained open to opportunities to revisit those times.

In 2007 through Facebook, I had an amazing connection with a few girlfriends from elementary school in New York. I left N.Y. for Israel when I was 14 years old and entering high school. Many of my friends from that time said things like “All of a sudden you were gone and no one knew where you went.” That wasn’t exactly true, I think, but maybe it felt a little like that. In any case, once I left the U.S. I never came back. My life after Israel continued in Canada where I’ve lived ever since.

Although our initial connection happened through Facebook, we immediately arranged for a weekend gathering at one of their homes in New York. We spent the weekend reminiscing, sharing yearbooks and autograph albums and having conversations about ‘those days’ ‘those guys’ and ‘those times’. Since then we speak often, text some, visit individually and try at least once a year to get us all together in one place at the same time. With this new union, my life has been enriched enormously. How I value the very special and unique relationship that has been allowed to perpetuate from the time we were children! Even considering the 35 years we didn’t see, speak to, or even think about each other, I have come to value the memories that have been rekindled as a result.

For me, memories are only important if they have a direct impact on my life today and who I have become.

A few years ago we held a reunion on Gabriola of the people who were here in the 70’s. Those years on Gabriola have been called ‘The Hippy Years’. The weekend featured a popular band from that time, Medicine Wheel, and many people from Gabriola and from other areas in BC and beyond came to participate. I was asked to facilitate a welcoming circle to kick off the weekend of events. In planning, I felt driven to bridge the years. The question, “How did your experiences on Gabriola in the 70’s inspire the person who you are today?”  prompted some interesting thoughts and captivating responses. The weekend began with a shared experience and a bonding of emotional and intellectual perspectives.

Yes…living here and now is the ultimate, and, living here and now is greatly inspired by who we were there and then!

So recently, when my high school reunion was announced in Fort Lauderdale Florida, I began to think about the benefits of attending. My one year at the American International School in Israel was a year of social and academic intensity. I lived in a gorgeous four bedroom house directly on the beach of Herzylia Petuach. There were five other people in the house. All of them were boys. One of them, Terry, I eventually married.  We partied often, played music together on the beaches in our neighbourhood, went to school when we had to, and grew close as family together. Our house was the ‘go to’ house for our cohorts. The year was memorable. Relationships were intense, fun and crazy! When the year was over, Terry and I and two other friends from the house moved on to study in Jerusalem. Other than them, I had never seen any of these people since.

The Reunion weekend featured a gathering of about 130 people all of whom graduated sometime in the 70’s. Most of the people who went to AIS attended for only one or two years, since their families moved around often as job placements changed. Missionaries, ambassadors, politicians were some of the jobs that brought these families to Israel at the time. The children of the families required American schools to graduate.  

At the reunion I knew maybe three people. We ended up sharing most of the weekend together, not necessarily attending all the reunion events, but creating our own. These were the three people I needed to see.

I have learned that intimate conversation and mindful sharing of experiences is a great opportunity to piece together the years of my life. I have learned to accept and embrace these relationships, despite some of the pain and hurtful times that we might have experienced together. I don’t need to forget anymore because forgiveness just comes naturally. I embrace instead.

This is me 'now'

I am enriched by the multitude of relationships in my life. I benefit from my memories as they continue to help clarify ow events in my life have helped me to become the person I am today. I have no regrets, because I truly believe that everything I’ve experienced is purposeful and meaningful and helps me to be me.

The memories that I have been successful in generating have reinforced for me the richness of my life! The ‘wanderlustful’ quality of my youth continues to prevail even after 41 years of career focus and childrearing. I continue to complete the ‘book of my life’ with the later chapters. I once again have the time to focus on ‘me’ and to continue to live out the dreams I have always held.