Just Plain 'Thank You'

I am psychologically preparing myself for our return to home. Life is different for me now somehow. Since I left Canada I turned 60 years old. I feel a transition happening for me into a stage of permission. What does that mean?

Permission to relax some. I have earned the right to take care of my self. I want to try to avoid working so hard and not only love what I’m doing, but also love what I anticipate doing.

I feel confident in the love I share with others. I give from my heart when I’m not sure of the best place to find the answers. I do what I want and seek what I desire, and I still live the idea that ‘if I don’t get what I want, I don’t want it anymore’. I live with the notion of Ahimsa, non-violence. I do what I want as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody, including myself.

My work still fulfils me. I am satisfied with a playful balance that allows me to work a few days a week. Organizations seek me out for workshops, and although I can say “No”, I love working so much, I usually say “Yes”.

I am available to my children (they’re not really children anymore) and loved ones. Although it never is really enough, I do spend time with each one of them in special and unique ways as often as we possibly can. We continue to create memories. Ultimately that’s all we are left.

I anticipate quiet. As our house goes up I dream about nesting again. It will be different from when we were growing up our family and careers. Our new home will be a chance to settle. I look forward to that.

So…thank you once again, India for the inspiration to reconnect, to settle down and to reinvest. You fill me up and help me go on.

Recently one of my daughters ‘shared’ an article written by Oliver Sacks, neurologist and best selling author, and a tremendous inspiration in our culture. In his article, 80 year-old Sacks informs the public about his imminent death due to cancer. His article is an expression of gratitude for his life and a continued thrust for living fully, right until the very end. At 60, I feel like that a little.

I am NOT dying! 60 is not old! And it’s also not young. I am past ‘middle age’, and I am far from ready to ‘give up’. In some places in the world, I benefit from senior citizen’s rates. As a woman in India I’ve been eligible for ½ price rates on trains and buses since I’m 58, and in other places I’m not quite old enough to be considered an ‘elder’.

I feel extremely healthy in my body. I practise Yoga daily, spend several minutes in inverted postures, and maintain a solid balance of physical, psychological and spiritual health. I run, ride my bicycle and walk often. My muscles are tight and solid, and although my flesh is ‘fleshier’ than it was even 10 years ago, I feel slim and trim and fit.

I still crave learning and giving and participating in the world. I still feel an abundance of wealth to share with others material and spiritual and intellectual.

The second habit of Steven Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is “Begin With The End In Mind”. I have always taken that habit very seriously, and through my life regularly ask myself, “How do I want to be remembered by others?” What do I want people saying about me when I die?”  Each action I engage in, throughout my life is driven by these questions. I don’t want to wait until I’m old or dying. I want to do it now, slowly, intentionally and meaningfully.

So sometimes, when I read through my own writing, I think… “Cheesy”! Too much gratitude. Too much love. Too much of the “same, same”! Then I am reminded of an incident during one of my workshops in a corporation in Toronto. In facilitating participation by all involved, I remind participants about the requirement for mutual respect and listening with heart, spending time engaging in clarifying conversation. During one session, a woman in the group said, “Enough, enough! We know all about this!  It’s just silly to keep coming back to the same thing! We’re grown ups after all!” My immediate response at that time was, “What’s silly about treating each other with respect? We can never learn it enough!”

There are some things in my life I never want to take for granted. (“When we assume, we make an ass out of u and me.”)  Oliver Saks reminds me about the kind of person I want to be throughout my life. I never want to assume gratitude. I want only to consider new ways of expressing it. I want to share it with others and remain open to change if necessary because I want always to be as close to contentment as possible.